Here are six ways to deal with
How do you deal with anger in relationships? Obviously, you don’t need to consider it at the beginning of a relationship. Then, there is a warm glow as everything goes smoothly and good feelings flow back and forth.
But that can’t last forever. There will be rocky times for every couple. Not to think so is naïve. There will be times when you feel more like a fighter in a ring than a person in love. Perhaps there will be times when you are not fighting, but instead, the two of you are ignoring each other. Either way, it’s not a healthy situation.
What’s a couple to do? Well, you could do what Confucious said so long ago. He said, "Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses". For some, that might be all that is necessary. But in many cases there is much more to consider.
For instance, if the bad feelings and rage were to happen only once, that would be one thing. But for many people, it happens over and over again. This situation can wear a couple out. Something different has to be tried. As one person once said, “Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, is insanity."
Here are six techniques to help you deal with negative situations when they arise:
1. Be understanding by learning to genuinely listen to the other person’s displeasure. I understand it is not simple to do this when you are being blasted with a barrage of accusations and insults. Most of us reciprocate rapidly with our own accusations. This happens especially when our "hot buttons" are pushed and we are faced with angry words about something in the past, some old issue, one that might not even be relavent to the present discussion. Try your best to disregard your own reactive nature. Instead try to listen more to the other person.
2. Take responsibility for your own behavior by considering how you may have helped stimulate rage in the other person. You may have provoked his or her anger without even being conscience of it. Think about what steps you may be capable to take in order to change your behavior from now on.
3. Verify the other person’s enraged feelings. Do not turn away their emotions just because you are not pleased with how they are feeling. You have to deal with anger, not ignore it. True, no person enjoys it if the other individual is feeling enraged or frustrated, but telling someone that they shouldn't feel that way does nothing but tinder even greater rage. Passing judgment on how someone feels is not a good alternative.
4. Here is an important way to deal with anger. Just as parents call "time-outs" when their children throws a temper outburst, you have to do the same for yourself if your significant other loses control. Let them understand that you are not going to say one word until you are spoken to in a positive manner. Let them understand that you do not cherish being spoken to in such an enraged, demeaning, and rude way.
5. When you have to deal with anger, try to discover a way to "short-circuit” the other person’s rage. Maybe you both can approve a code word that can be spoken when tempers start to flair up. When this word is mentioned by either party then you both undertand it’s time to cool off, to leave the situation for a while until you are both prepared to talk calmly about the difficulty.
6. Remember to say "Please " and "Thank you" and "I'm sorry." We never say these words often enough. And we never send enough
- even when we're not angry.
For more self-development type articles click these links:
5 Ways to Defuse Arguments and Improve Communication
8 Qualities to Possess to Achieve Happiness In Life
Learn Time Management Skills to Better Your Lifestyle
The Importance of Leisure Activities in Reducing Stress