So They Say Blondes Have More Fun? Well Anyway, Without 'Em We Wouldn't Have Blonde Jokes To Share and Laugh About!

Executive Director


Blonde jokes are just for fun, but because we never want to offend anyone, it took some convincing to get my two top executives to agree to letting me include some in our humor section. They happen to be "older men" with grayish hair or very little to speak of (no offense guys)...but being the younger "blonde" female executive, I not only felt it was okay but a MUST! I really do enjoy blonde jokes but some of these I didn't understand :)... The old guys decided that we would dedicate this page to our younger Blonde executive director. With that decision made we also wanted to add her picture to her page. You can tell by the picture she laughs a lot, we hope when you read these jokes you will join her in laughter.








Click here for a complete list of our humor pages.



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A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend and stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it"
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

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A pretty blonde walked up to a gentleman and said: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
The gentleman looked at his watch and said it is 3:15 pm.
The blonde with a puzzled look on her face said "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question ten times today, and everyone has given me a different answer."

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A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

**************************************************************

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Home Depot now?"

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a moment and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

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Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a Blonde newlywed colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.
One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"

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The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job.
"Okay, honey," the sheriff drawled, "What is 1 and 1?"
"Eleven," she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right." Then the sheriff asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?".
"Today and Tomorrow," she replied.
He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now, listen carefully, who killed Abraham Lincoln?", asked the sheriff.
The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
The sheriff replied, "Well, why don't you go on and work on that one for a while?"
So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her buds were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
The blonde was overjoyed."It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Thanks ~Christine~ ***************************************************************** A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

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Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

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Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally,said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware

***************************************************************** A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

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While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said "For best results, put on two coats."

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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That is highly unlikely," says the doctor. "Please, show me," So she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so on and so forth. Finally the doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde, right?" She looks surprised and says, "Yes, Doctor!!" "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

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Funny signs


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A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead.
She points the gun at her boyfriend and stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.
Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it"
The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

*************************************************************

A pretty blonde walked up to a gentleman and said: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
The gentleman looked at his watch and said it is 3:15 pm.
The blonde with a puzzled look on her face said "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question ten times today, and everyone has given me a different answer."

***********************************************************

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

**************************************************************

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Home Depot now?"

***************************************************************

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a moment and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

****************************************************************

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

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Church humor


************************************************************** A young blonde college student was watching the Olympics. Her roommate asked us why rodeos weren't an Olympic sport.
The third roommate piped in"Because the U.S. is probably the only country where rodeos take place.
The blondes replied , "Nuh uh, Oklahoma has rodeos too."

*************************************************************** The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots,so he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants .. so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... ", and well here I am."
Ya see, Blonde Men do exist!!!

**************************************************************** John wants to get his beautiful blonde wife, Emma, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She loves her new cell phone. He shows her and explains to her all the different and varied features on the phone. On Monday she goes shopping in the local supermarket. Her phone rings and it's her husband, 'Hi ya, good looking, 'he says, 'how do you like your new phone?' She replies, 'I just love it, it's so small and light and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one feature that I really don't understand though.' 'What's that, baby?' asks the husband. 'How did you know that I was at Wal-Mart?'

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A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

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Senior humor the tales about the oldies but goodies


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An elderly gentleman was checking out at the local grocery store with just a few items, and the lady behind him put her things on the belt close to his. The gentleman picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between the things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the cute young blonde cashier had scanned all of his items, she picked up the divider and looked all over it for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to him
"Do you know how much this is?"
he said, "I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said, "OK, but do you know that you’re the fourth person today that has changed their mind about buying this.

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A co-worker and I were eating our lunch in the cafeteria when we overheard one of the blonde administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible but didn't think she would get sunburned because the car was moving.

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A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well ...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:
"That's easy.
The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is . Absolutely correct!!
You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde..
"Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks

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Insurance funny claims.


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One winter morning a couple was listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through. Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park....." Then the power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time "

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To my surprise, "GUY" blonde jokes do exist as well, and it's about time...here's one I especially liked!

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, Don't look at me. He made his own lunch."

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Unanswered questions


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A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free lunch." But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a Motor home!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!" The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!", and she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads...“W I N A B A G E L"

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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you", and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word the blonde shrugs, reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

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even more unanswered questions


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A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair, yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says," That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

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A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

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A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

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A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells on the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself. After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.

"I'm here for the paint job," she said.

"Alright," said the man. "Here is the paint and your brush. I want you to paint my porch behind the house."

The blonde immediately went to work painting. Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coating.

After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay. She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back. It's a new BMW

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A blonde is wandering around, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her.

"How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.

The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"

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A blonde lady was driving along the highway when a blonde police officer pulled her over for speeding.

Officer: May I see your license?

Lady: What does it look like?

Officer: It's a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

The lady looks through her bag and pulls out her compact mirror and hands it to the officer.

The officer opens it up and says 'if you had told me you were a police officer I wouldn't have pulled you over.'

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One day a blonde is driving home when she rear-ends a man in his truck. The man stops and yells at her to get out of her car, so she steps out and tries to apologize. He then draws a circle in the sand and tells her to stand inside and not to step out. He goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, walks over to her car, and smashes in the window.

She begins to giggle, so he looks back at her angrily and tells her to be quiet. Then he starts beating in the hood of her car.

She giggles again, and he turns to her and says, "You're asking' for it, lady!" Then he smashes in her windshield.

By this time the woman is laughing hysterically, so he looks at her and yells, "What's so funny!?"

She laughs again and replies, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times."

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Order in the court... well you be the judge


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Did you hear about the blonde that died raking leaves.

Yeah, She fell out of the tree.

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There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. There were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. The terrorist is like...oh just a cat! Then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes ruff ruff...and the terrorist says it's just a stupid dog! Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!

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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly...com-for-da-bull."

***************************************************************** At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. ‘No woman,’ said one man, scornfully, ‘can keep a secret.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ answered a blonde woman guest. ‘I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.’
‘You’ll let it out some day,’ the man insisted.
‘I hardly think so!’ responded the blonde lady. ‘When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.’

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Southern humor "Yall gotta read this here page"


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A blonde was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I can only sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will 'fix it'. Then you shouldn't have a problem anymore trying to sell your car."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"

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She was so blonde that: - She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- She tripped over the cordless phone.
- She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make-up her mind.
- She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
- If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
- When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
- She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
- She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

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A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "I think you need to roll up the windows."

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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her "What happened?" She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?" "They called back."

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Ready for More Humor


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How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street. He'd been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

***************************************************************** Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.
"Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye."
The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him. "He only has one ear, " was her answer.
"What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer."
After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses."
This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!"
"Well, " she said, "he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?" This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

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One day a blonde woman decided to take a trip to Hawaii. She had been planning this trip for about 10 years and was relieved when she finally stepped foot on the plane. She sat down in first class, even though her seat was in coach. A couple minutes later a businessman walked in very tired from the hard day at work. He looked at his ticket and tried to find his seat. When he did he was surprised to see a blonde woman in his seat. He approached her and said, "Excuse me, but you're in my seat." The woman looked up at him very puzzled and said, "I'm blonde, I'm not stupid, and this is my seat." Even after trying to show the woman that he was right and she was wrong, she would not move. After trying several times to get this confused woman out of his seat, he decided to tell the flight attendant. He went up to the attendant and said, "Excuse me, sir, this blonde lady won't get out of my seat." The attendant said, "Sir, I have the perfect solution. Every year we get one of these." The attendant went over to the woman and whispered something in her ear. The woman sprinted to the back of the plane and took a seat. The businessman was amazed and asked what the hell he said to her. The attendant turned around with a big smile on his face. "I told her that only the back of the plane was going to Hawaii."

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A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."

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The company psychiatrist was interviewing the young blonde. As she sat in the chair, the psychiatrist asked a series of questions to determine if she was emotionally suitable for the company. Things were not going well for the young blonde. The psychiatrist decided to try a new approach, to give the blonde one last chance. He asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

Had enough Blonde jokes well then check these pages

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Blonde in heaven Not rated yet
A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass …

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