Funny Signs



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Using funny signs in a business, shop, or store is a good way to brighten a customer's day when they're least expecting it. Here are some good examples of just what we're talking about. Enjoy!

Open For Business


The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'Best Deals'.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'Lowest Prices'.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop - it read... 'Main entrance'.



Funny Signs at Medical Facilities

Over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
Door of a Plastic Surgeon's Office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Proctologist's Door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
In a Veterinarian's Waiting Room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a Maternity Room Door: "Push. Push. Push."
In a Podiatrist's Office: "Time wounds all heels."
Counselor’s Office: “Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional.”
Hospital Ward Door: “Visitors: HUSBANDS ONLY. ONE PER BED.”
Orthopedic Surgeon's sign: “Never accept a drink from a Urologist.”

Funny Signs Relating to Automobiles

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Car mechanic: “Come see us if you need a brake.”
Car Repair Shop: “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Body and Fender Shop: “We come wreck-a-mended”
Sign spotted on the back window of a small car being pulled by a motor home: "I go where I'm towed."
Muffler Shop: “No appointment necessary - we'll hear you coming.”
Radiator Shop (Boise, Idaho): “Best place in town to take a leak.”
Towing Company: “Call us at any hour. We’re always on our tows.”
Tow Truck: “We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”
Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition.
At aBody Shop: May we have the next dents
At a tire shop: Invite us to your next blowout.



Miscellaneous Funny Signs


On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
Quicksand Warning: Quicksand! Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
At A Farmer's Field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges. If you think you can make it across the field in under 15 seconds the bull can do it under 8.5 seconds."
On A Billboard - Ad For A Safe Company: "If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."
Message On A Leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
In A Safari Park: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
Local Church during Christmas Season: “Closed for the holidays.”
Coin Collectors: “For Old Dimes Sake”
Jacket Tag: Material Wool 20%, Unknown 70%, Other 10%
In a toilet: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
Sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago: Do not activate with wet hands.
Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.



Funny Signs at Various Businesses


At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."
On A Repair Shop Door: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
At The Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
On A Taxidermist's Window: "We really know our stuff."
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
On A Scientist's Door: "Gone Fission"
On a Plumber's Truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
Outside a Second-Hand Shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
In A Dry Cleaner's Window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
In a Department Store: Bargain Basement Upstairs
In A Health Food Shop Window: Closed due to illness.
In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.
Appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work
Awning Sales Door: “Just a shade better.”
Beauty Shop: Dye now!
Bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Computer Store: “Out for a quick byte.”
Country Shop: “We buy junk and sell antiques.”
Dentist office:Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
Department Store: “Bargain Basement Upstairs”
Dry cleaner's: Drop your pants here.
Electric Company: “Watts you see is watts you get.”
Electrician's Truck: "Let us remove your shorts.”
Exterminator’s Office: “We make mouse calls.”
Health Spa/Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
Highway sign: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
Texas Divorce Attorney's Office: “Remember the Alimo-ny.”
Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day.
Mathematics Professor’s House: “AFTER MATH”
Golf Pro Shop: “Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.”
Scuba Diving Store: “We carry a complete line of under ware.”
Search & Rescue Office: “Support your local rescue squad. Get lost.”
Toy Store: “There’s no gift like the present.”
Tree Surgeon: “We go out on a limb for you.”
Psychic's Hotline: “Don't call us, we'll call you.”
Funeral home parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

Funny Signs Relating to Bars, Restaurants, and Hotels


Family restaurants
Open seven days a week. Closed Sundays."
"Parking for drive-through customers only."
"We are Handicapped - Friendly. if you are blind, we will read the menu for you."
"Hot drinks to take out or sit in."
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
"Now hiring TWO FRENCH DIPS FOR TWO DOLLARS."
In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want
On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish
Open seven days a week and weekends.

Restaurant (India): “New Delhi-catessen.”
Restaurant (Nautical Restrooms): “Buoys and Gulls.”
Bed and Breakfast Inn: “Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
Midtown Bar: “Lunch now being poured.”
Bakery Door: “Keep your wait under control – take a number.”

Funny Signs Relating to Music

Music Library Door: “Bach In A Minuet”
Music Store: “Come in, pick out a drum, then beat it!”
Music Teacher's Door: “OUT CHOPIN”






Ready for more laughs check out these pages

Airline humor
Animal humor
Blonde Jokes
Child humor
Fun from the Church
Courtroom humor
Crazy consumer cautions
Guys versus Gals
Humor is good for the body
Insurance Insanity
Medical humor
More humor
Park Rangers
Praying for more church humor
Redneck humor
Senior humor
Southern Humor
Unanswered questions
More unanswered questions
Even more unanswered questions

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